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    About six months ago, the editor of Penthouse wrote to me to say that he was a big fan of my work on on Margaret Thatcher -- yes, really -- and had sent copies of my book to all of his relatives, including his daughter in Israel -- yes, really -- who's a big fan of the Iron Lady -- yes, really.

    He would therefore -- obviously -- like me to write for Penthouse. I am not making this up. I told them that I thought Sifu Emin was a serious candidate for the title, "Most lethal man in the world.

    I was really excited about my new career as a pornographer. Any moral or aesthetic scruple I may have had about it evaporated when they explained their pay scale.

    Anyway, my friends reminded me, writing for a porno mag is an important American literary rite of passage, like getting into a feud with Norman Mailer.

    I started reading their back-issues for style guidance. I thought the pole-dancing issue, in particular, was very probing.

    They sent me the contract to sign. As luck would have it, when I went to the post office to mail it back, there was some dweeby American guy behind me in the line.

    His eyes positively bugged out when he looked over my shoulder and saw that I was mailing a letter to "Editor, Penthouse. I wrote the article, along with a sidebar about Sifu Emin's top ten tips for defending yourself in hand-to-hand combat.

    It was a great assignment. I got to call people like Bob Wall and Chuck Norris to ask them who, in their view, was the most lethal man in the world.

    Actually, to be honest, I couldn't get through to Chuck Norris. I tried, but his secretary got frosty on me when I said I was writing for Penthouse.

    Now, when I heard this, I was a bit surprised. I'm not really used to the insinuation that there might be a problem with my commitment to conservatism.

    In fact, I think my conservative credentials will impress him. Please let him know that I'm Margaret Thatcher's biographer, okay?

    Really, I'm on his side. I think my tone probably put her off, thoug h; she refused to put me through. Probably for the best.

    I mean, who wants to deal with Chuck Norris's socialist nonsense? But Bob Wall is an absolutely lovely guy, and he totally agreed with me that Sifu Emin was one of the most lethal men in the world.

    After Bob Wall, of course. Penthouse really liked the piece, they told me. Parenthetically, I have never experienced more rigorous fact-checking in my entire career than I have when writing for Penthouse.

    You can believe every word of those letters. He wanted, for example, proof that Sifu Emin was the most lethal man in the world.

    I mean, for all we really know, there's a still-more lethal man living in some remote tribal village in Equatorial Guinea, thoughtfully chewing on his enemies' entrails even as I type.

    He saw the wisdom in what I was saying, but he stuck to his guns: I had to say that he might be the most lethal man in the world.

    I thought that sounded as if I lacked courage in my convictions, but I guess I have to respect Penthouse's commitment to accuracy over sensationalism.

    Anyway, they gave me such a fact-checking hassle that when I finally delivered the piece, I sent it with pages of footnotes and documentation, as well as a legal addendum about the protection of my sources in the US government, who had spoken to me on Deep Background.

    I'm not making that up, either. After all that, I was disappointed when the piece didn't come out as scheduled. I wrote to my editor: What happened? Apparently, the financial crisis has hit the porn industry so badly that Penthouse has had to cut down on the number of issues they're publishing.

    I was shocked: What is the world coming to when Penthouse has to skip an issue? Back when I was a youngster this would have been cause for all the local male adolescents to die of grief.

    We've made everything too easy for the kids these days. They're decadent, I tell you. Yes, yes, this story is going somewhere. So, I came back home the other day to see that the postman had delivered a package.

    In a plain manila envelope. I opened it fortunately in front of no one but Egemen , and what did I find: Two shiny new copies of Penthouse -- with my article in it.

    No, I'm not going to link to it. You have to buy it. But I'll post the top-ten-tips sidebar, if my readers request it.

    The article looked great. Penthouse's photographers are absolutely top-notch. But I'd forgotten just how pornographic Penthouse really is.

    I was sort of torn between pride in my work and a desire to make sure than no one sees these things in my apartment, ever.

    Not Egemen, he wasn't torn at all. He knew exactly where he stood. I offered him a copy as a souvenir, but he refused to take it.

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    Unknown June 17, at PM. Joey Ray June 22, at PM. Unknown June 22, at PM. Generic Cialis June 26, at PM. As Rocky changes, and is about to leave, he notices that Nancy has gotten a phone call that distresses her.

    When she hangs up the phone, he asks what's wrong. She says she is supposed to be part of a boxing event at a local venue this weekend, but her female opponent just cancelled, leaving her without an opponent.

    If Nancy doesn't have an opponent, she won't get paid. Rocky thinks about it for a moment, then says "I'll do it. She asks if he's serious.

    He says yes, if it will help her out. Nancy then says, you realize if we fight, it is for real. No friendly stuff. She'd be going for a knockout.

    He says that's ok. Then he says so, I'm supposed to go for a knockout, too? Nancy says, I guess. It will be different, since every other fight on the card is female vs.

    She calls the promoter with the fight proposal, and he accepts, so long as Rocky signs a contract and waiver. Rocky thinks about it one last second, then signs the contract and waiver.

    So, it's all set. Rocky and Nancy will be fighting it out in front of an audience. An appreciative Nancy hugs Rocky and tells him thanks Oh, yeah Rocky spends the next few days training for the fight, still wondering what he got himself into for a friend.

    Nancy, meanwhile, was already training hard for the fight, but is now more determined knowing she has an opponent, a much bigger MALE opponent, too.

    The night of the fight occurs. Rocky drives up to the warehouse and is told to head to the men's locker room and to suit up.

    It's fairly empty, as the majority of the fighters are female tonight. Rocky is the exception. He hears a little bit of a commotion at the end of the hall.

    He peeks out the door and sees Nancy, way out in the distance, heading for the women's locker room, ready to suit up. Though his view is from far away, he sees that she seems very businesslike, and wonders what may be going on in her mind.

    Rocky suits up and starts nailing the heavybag in the locker room. Nancy, meanwhile, arrives in her locker room area. She suits up.

    Flexes her muscles in front of a mirror, then starts nailing a heavybag. Rocky is trying to psyche himself up in the darkened men's tunnel, and Nancy is getting really pumped up in darkened women's tunnel.

    Rocky's music blares. Rocky hears a lot of boos along the way. But he climbs in the ring, flexes his guns and shadow-boxes while his music is still playing.

    He can't help but feel a bit anxious, though, as he knows any moment his friend Nancy will appear Not as a friend, but as a foe.

    Hellbent on pummeling him around for her fans. Yep, this is what he signed on for. Then, all of the sudden New music begins to blare The announcer goes on Nancy appears for the first time.

    She has her game-face on, and her body is amazing. Nancy marches towards the ring. Rocky is almost in disbelief. He has sparred with Nancy a dozen times, but now it's the real thing.

    A huge fight in front of a big crowd. Nancy climbs through the ropes. Rocky gets a huge high. They're finally together in the same ring.

    She wants to appease her fans. Worry aboot yourself. Each breath was labored. Her gloves felt heavier by the second. Fiona knew she was fighting an uphill battle.

    Her attempts to knock Elise out in the middle rounds had failed, and had cost her too much energy.

    She took another jab to the eye in retaliation, pushing her into the ropes. She gasped as each impact sent an explosion of pain through her body.

    She slowly pushed her toward the corner. The Scotswoman tried to retaliate as best she could, her white gloves having little effect on the American.

    She sank to the canvas, dazed. The referee stepped in. Before she could straighten up, she fell backward, sighing as she fainted from pain and exhaustion.

    Elise bit her tongue to make sure she was not dreaming.

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    Glad to be part of your net community. About six months ago, the editor of Penthouse wrote to me to say that he was a big fan of my work on on Margaret Thatcher -- yes, really -- and had sent copies of my book to all of his relatives, including his daughter in Israel -- yes, really -- who's a big fan of the Iron Lady -- yes, really.

    He would therefore -- obviously -- like me to write for Penthouse. I am not making this up. I told them that I thought Sifu Emin was a serious candidate for the title, "Most lethal man in the world.

    I was really excited about my new career as a pornographer. Any moral or aesthetic scruple I may have had about it evaporated when they explained their pay scale.

    Anyway, my friends reminded me, writing for a porno mag is an important American literary rite of passage, like getting into a feud with Norman Mailer.

    I started reading their back-issues for style guidance. I thought the pole-dancing issue, in particular, was very probing.

    They sent me the contract to sign. As luck would have it, when I went to the post office to mail it back, there was some dweeby American guy behind me in the line.

    His eyes positively bugged out when he looked over my shoulder and saw that I was mailing a letter to "Editor, Penthouse.

    I wrote the article, along with a sidebar about Sifu Emin's top ten tips for defending yourself in hand-to-hand combat.

    It was a great assignment. I got to call people like Bob Wall and Chuck Norris to ask them who, in their view, was the most lethal man in the world.

    Actually, to be honest, I couldn't get through to Chuck Norris. I tried, but his secretary got frosty on me when I said I was writing for Penthouse.

    Now, when I heard this, I was a bit surprised. I'm not really used to the insinuation that there might be a problem with my commitment to conservatism.

    In fact, I think my conservative credentials will impress him. Please let him know that I'm Margaret Thatcher's biographer, okay?

    Really, I'm on his side. I think my tone probably put her off, thoug h; she refused to put me through. Probably for the best.

    I mean, who wants to deal with Chuck Norris's socialist nonsense? But Bob Wall is an absolutely lovely guy, and he totally agreed with me that Sifu Emin was one of the most lethal men in the world.

    After Bob Wall, of course. Penthouse really liked the piece, they told me. Parenthetically, I have never experienced more rigorous fact-checking in my entire career than I have when writing for Penthouse.

    You can believe every word of those letters. He wanted, for example, proof that Sifu Emin was the most lethal man in the world.

    I mean, for all we really know, there's a still-more lethal man living in some remote tribal village in Equatorial Guinea, thoughtfully chewing on his enemies' entrails even as I type.

    He saw the wisdom in what I was saying, but he stuck to his guns: I had to say that he might be the most lethal man in the world. I thought that sounded as if I lacked courage in my convictions, but I guess I have to respect Penthouse's commitment to accuracy over sensationalism.

    Anyway, they gave me such a fact-checking hassle that when I finally delivered the piece, I sent it with pages of footnotes and documentation, as well as a legal addendum about the protection of my sources in the US government, who had spoken to me on Deep Background.

    I'm not making that up, either. After all that, I was disappointed when the piece didn't come out as scheduled. I wrote to my editor: What happened?

    Apparently, the financial crisis has hit the porn industry so badly that Penthouse has had to cut down on the number of issues they're publishing.

    I was shocked: What is the world coming to when Penthouse has to skip an issue? Back when I was a youngster this would have been cause for all the local male adolescents to die of grief.

    We've made everything too easy for the kids these days. They're decadent, I tell you. Yes, yes, this story is going somewhere.

    So, I came back home the other day to see that the postman had delivered a package. In a plain manila envelope. I opened it fortunately in front of no one but Egemen , and what did I find: Two shiny new copies of Penthouse -- with my article in it.

    No, I'm not going to link to it. You have to buy it. But I'll post the top-ten-tips sidebar, if my readers request it.

    The article looked great. Penthouse's photographers are absolutely top-notch. But I'd forgotten just how pornographic Penthouse really is.

    I was sort of torn between pride in my work and a desire to make sure than no one sees these things in my apartment, ever.

    Not Egemen, he wasn't torn at all. He knew exactly where he stood. I offered him a copy as a souvenir, but he refused to take it.

    He was, he said, well past the age where he was willing to hide this stuff from his parents. Posted by Endnote at PM.

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    Anonymous September 12, at PM. Ricky Martin September 14, at PM. Rocky returns with a left jab at hers. Then he fires a right jab at her gut.

    Then aims for his head. The punches are sending him against the ropes. Nancy winds up and nails his chin with a hard right, sending Rocky up into the ropes, then crashing down on the mat.

    The referee counts: "1,2,3,4,5, But this time, Rocky turns the tables, spins her around, so her back is against the corner ropes Firing off several shots to her head and gut.

    He fires a powerful shot to her gut, taking the wind out of her, sending her keeling over, then falling to the mat. Just as the referee starts counting: "1, Both get water refueling.

    Rocky is still a little torn over whether he has it in him to pummel her further. He feels a little sorry for her.

    Round 4 starts and both fighters meet in the middle of the ring again. Both a little tired. But they keep punching each other around. Head, gut, you name it.

    Nancy senses Rocky is holding back a bit, and is annoyed. He knocks her into the ropes, where he unleashes several head punches, including an uppercut that sends her into the ropes, then crashing back on the canvas.

    Nancy gets back up and charges after him, swinging wildly, connecting on his shoulders, gut and head. She gets him in the corner again, but an errant swing sends her into the corner, and Rocky pummels her again.

    Head, gut, etc. But then really focuses on her head, firing several right punches straight to her head. Now, blood starts spewing out.

    On the last punch, Nancy falls down on the mat. Saved by the bell. Nancy climbs up slowly, using the ropes, then staggers back to her corner.

    Rocky walks back to his corner. Nancy is bleeding. Rocky wonders what good would it do to knock her out in front of all her fans.

    They came to see her. He can easily go the 5 rounds, but doesn't think she honestly can. Round 5 begins, and Nancy staggers to the center of the ring.

    Rocky meets her in the middle of the ring fires a couple of punches to her head She realizes what he's doing.

    He's gonna let her win. She charges after him with a relentless flurry of right and left punches, sending him into the corner.

    Only this time, he's staying there. She nails him all over with punches, then decks him in the head, blood spewing out The crowd goes crazy.

    The referee counts: "1,2,3,4,5,6, A re-energized Nancy then goes after him again, with a flurry of punches, blood spewing out, then fires a shot at his gut that knocks the wind out of him.

    He keels over at a degree angle. Nancy looks out at the crowd as if to ask them if they're ready for the knockout punch, and they cheer in the affirmative.

    She winds up her right arm and completely decks Rocky in the chin with a massive uppercut, sending him flying up into the air several feet, then crashing down onto the canvas.

    The referee counts: "1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, A victorious Nancy celebrates. The announcer grabs the mic While the announcer speaks, Nancy stomps her foot on Rocky's stomach, while flexing her muscles for the whole crowd to marvel at.

    When they're both in regular clothes in the hallway on the way out the door Rocky says: "NO. Rocky says: "SURE! Nancy says: "GOOD. Round 5 starts and Nancy staggers to the center of the ring.

    Mature content. Worry aboot yourself. Each breath was labored. Her gloves felt heavier by the second. Fiona knew she was fighting an uphill battle.

    Her attempts to knock Elise out in the middle rounds had failed, and had cost her too much energy. She took another jab to the eye in retaliation, pushing her into the ropes.

    She gasped as each impact sent an explosion of pain through her body. She slowly pushed her toward the corner.

    The Scotswoman tried to retaliate as best she could, her white gloves having little effect on the American. She sank to the canvas, dazed.

    The referee stepped in. Before she could straighten up, she fell backward, sighing as she fainted from pain and exhaustion.

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